|Because Jack Bauer is GOD
||[Jan. 22nd, 2006|02:47 am]
If you wake up in the morning, it's because Jack Bauer spared your |
Upon hearing that he was played by Kiefer Sutherland, Jack Bauer killed
Sutherland. Jack Bauer gets played by no man.
If Jack Bauer was in a room with Hitler, Stalin, and Nina Meyers, and
he had a gun with 2 bullets, he'd shoot Nina twice.
If you send someone to kill Jack Bauer, the only thing you accomplish
is supplying him a fresh set of weapons to kill you with.
Every time the cops get an APB to arrest Jack Bauer, half the
department mysteriously calls out sick. The fire department too, just
Jack Bauer killed 93 people in just 4 days time. Wait, that is a real
Jack Bauer got Hellen Keller to talk.
1.6 billion Chinese are angry with Jack Bauer. Sounds like a fair
Jack Bauer once forgot where he put his keys. He then spent the next
half-hour torturing himself until he gave up the location of the keys.
Jack Bauer was never addicted to heroin. Heroin was addicted to Jack
In grade school, a little boy punched Kimberly Bauer, and Kimberly ran
home to tell her dad. That little boy's name? Stephen Hawking.
Jack Bauer's favorite color is severe terror alert red. His second
favorite color is violet, but just because it sounds like violent.
Superman wears Jack Bauer pajamas.
Jack Bauer doesn't miss. If he didn't hit you it's because he was
shooting at another t'rist twelve miles away.
Jack Bauer does not need eyes, he can smell a t'rist 15 miles away,
and can hear the fear in their heads from 2 miles away.
If Jack says "I just want to talk to him/her" and that him/her is you... well amigo, you're screwed.
Lets get one thing straight, the only reason you are conscious right
now is because Jack Bauer does not feel like carrying you.
Killing Jack Bauer doesn't make him dead. It just makes him angry.
When you open a can of whoop-arse, Jack Bauer jumps out.
After torturing Copernicus, Jack Bauer got him to admit that the solar
system revolved not around the sun, but around his gigantic balls.
Jack Bauer does not sleep. The only rest he needs is what he gets when
he's knocked out or temporarily killed.
When life gave Jack Bauer lemons, he used them to kill t'rists. Jack
Bauer really hates lemonade.
If you get 7 stars on your wanted level on Grand Theft Auto, Jack Bauer
comes after you. You don't want to get 7 stars.
Jack Bauer's family threw him a surprise birthday party when he was a
Losing a colleague or loved one for Jack Bauer is comparable to the
feeling of missing the elevator for most people.
In kindergarten, Jack Bauer killed a t'rist for Show and Tell.
As a child, Jack Bauer's first words were "There's no time!"
When t'rists go to hell, if they say Jack Bauer sent them, they'll
get a group discount.